God the Terrorist

Someone is suing God for making terrorist threats:

A Nebraska Senator who filed a lawsuit against God appeared in court Tuesday and ordered the defendant to "cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats."

...

The lawsuit accuses God "of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent." It says God has caused "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects and the like."

Apparently the lawsuit is only an exercise to show some point about frivolous lawsuits, and isn't really meant to criticize religion. Bummer. But it's still funny to see the concept of god being put on trial.

California Invokes God's Wrath

As I was walking back to the office from my lunch break moments ago, I witnessed firsthand God's righteous wrath. God struck Southern California with a magnitude 5.8 earthquake, and it is painfully obvious that He did so because of California's recent legalization of gay marriage.

Unfortunately for God, there are not yet any reports of queer-deaths. It seems that He may have missed, or only have given us a "warning," which means that He will likely strike again with even greater vengeance.

Attention all queer-hating, Abrahamic-religion-believers: What should I as an atheist do now to protect myself from future earthquake-assaults from God almighty? And has God given you any revelations or hints as to when and where he will hit us next for our gay-marriage-allowing ways? Please, please provide a response to these questions in the comments section below. Do it for your fellow human beings that they might be saved from future earthquake-wrath attacks from omnibenevolent God!

LOL Cat Bible

Some LOLCat fans have been translating the Holy Bible into LOLCatSpeak.

Let's take a look at Genesis Chapter 1

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.

Finally, a Bible that makes sense!

The Godly Smiting of Reverend Timothy Wright

What did Rev. Timothy Wright do to bring about God's almighty wrath? Timothy Wright is a preacher and gospel singer from New York, and last Saturday, July 5th, God stuck Timothy and his wife with a vengeance. Rev. Wright and his wife were involved in a brutal car accident in which another vehicle drove the wrong way down the street and caused a head-on collision with the Wright's vehicle. The Reverend was critically injured, and his wife was killed.

While authorities are still investigating the cause of the accident, God recently announced that it was He who made the accident happen. While He refused to give any specifics, He did tell the press:

"Rev. Wright is a sinner, just like everyone else, and his day of punishment was at hand. In my almighty wisdom and benevolence, I have unleashed massive physical injuries upon Rev. Wright, and in order to ensure that his emotional trauma matches his physical trauma, I smote his wife completely and sent her to Hell for all eternity. Let this be a reminder to you all that even when it comes to preachers, I giveth, and I taketh away."

While speculation abounds as to which sin in particular may have caused God to unleash His almighty fist of omnipotent fury, the Reverend's neighbors reported that they saw him talking to his secretary on his cellphone about business related matters the previous Sunday. According to contemporary Biblical scholars, Sunday is known as the "Sabbath," and working on the Sabbath is a "sin" in the eyes of God.

Both God and Jesus declined repeated requests for further comment, and instead instructed the press to wait for more details which would be revealed on the crispy surface of an overcooked bagel that will be put up for auction on Ebay "in due time."

Faith Fails Again and Again and Again

...and it failed one too many times for Neil Beagley, member of the Followers of Christ Church:

Authorities say a teenager from a faith-healing family died from an illness that could have been easily treated, just a few months after a toddler cousin of his died in a case that has led to criminal charges.

...

An autopsy Wednesday showed Beagley died of heart failure caused by a urinary tract blockage.

He likely had a congenital condition that constricted his urinary tract where the bladder empties into the urethra, and the condition of his organs indicates he had multiple blockages during his life, said Dr. Clifford Nelson, deputy state medical examiner for Clackamas County.

"You just build up so much urea in your bloodstream that it begins to poison your organs, and the heart is particularly susceptible," Nelson said.

Nelson said a catheter would have saved the boy's life. If the condition had been dealt with earlier, a urologist could easily have removed the blockage and avoided the kidney damage that came with the repeated illnesses, Nelson said.

Benton said a board member of the Followers of Christ church contacted the authorities after Beagley died at his family's home. The teen had been sick about a week, and church members and his family had gathered to pray Sunday when his condition worsened, Benton said.

In March, the boy's 15-month-old cousin Ava Worthington died at home from bronchial pneumonia and a blood infection.

Her parents, Carl and Raylene Worthington, also belong to the church. They have pleaded not guilty to manslaughter and criminal mistreatment, and their defense attorneys have indicated they will use a religious freedom defense.

The damn kid bet on the wrong horse. Instead of betting on God, and on faith, he should have bet on a hollow rubber tube being shoved up his pee-hole.

Do you understand the implications here? A hollow rubber tube is more powerful than prayer. Faith was called to task, and faith failed epically.

I'm not surprised, and it's a shame that these faith healers had to be surprised. If only they were regular readers of my blog, they would have already known that faith fails again and again and again and again and again...

Offspring Murder Club: California Chapter

When stories like this appear, as they so frequently do, what else nees to be said about the danger associated with the belief in ghosts, demons, and the like?

Some 27-year-old man in California beat his 2-year-old son to death on a rural road before being shot by cops. The man was heard saying that his toddler son was infested with demons, CNN reports.

Sergio Casian Aguilar, 27, parked his truck on an unlit road Saturday night, removed a 2-year-old boy from his car seat and proceeded to stomp, kick and punch the boy to death, authorities said. The boy was unrecognizable when he was pronounced dead at Emanuel Medical Center, the Stanislaus County Sheriff's Department said.

Authorities have not released the boy's name but say they believe he was Aguilar's son. The Stanislaus County coroner and the California Department of Justice are testing DNA to confirm the relationship.

Several motorists called 911 and tried to stop the beating, authorities said.

Dan Robinson, a local volunteer fire department chief, told The Modesto Bee that at first glance, he thought the child was a dead animal in the road. He said when he realized it was a child, he tried to stop Aguilar.

He said Aguilar had a "total hollowness in his eyes" and talked calmly of the boy being filled with "demons."

Witness Lisa Mota told the San Francisco Chronicle that Aguilar told people who tried to stop him that the boy was "trash."

Hey, genius! Even if demons were real, they can't be killed by physical means, right? So what good does killing your son do, even if he was infected with demons? Well I suppose it's like those pigs that Jesus had cast into the ocean, lemming style. He probably thought that the boy would be freed, or would transition to the afterlife, and not have his consciousness totally terminated from any and all existence.

That's what afterlife belief does. It makes the thought of infanticide more bearable because death isn't really death, but just a transition to another life in another dimension. Afterlife belief removes the finality and profundity of death from the equation.

If there's an afterlife, then people can't really "die," can they? And killing your 2-year-old son isn't really an evil act then, but a way of freeing him from demon infestation, right?

This man was a fuckwit and the only shame here is that the cops weren't able to gun him down in time to save the toddler. A 2-year-old is now a victim of afterlife belief.

Welcome to the Offspring Murder Club, Casian.

Jesus' Thought Police

I just found this iReport video of some Kristian Krusaders harassing attendees of a gay marriage ceremony. Listen to the confused words coming out of the guy's mouth with the Jesus shirt on.

He seems harmless enough now, but how much would more it take to get to the point where Kristian Krusaders like these end up having their own anti-gay kristallnacht event?

The Kristian declares at one point that this gay marriage ceremony, where he himself is not getting married, somehow persecutes his faith! Fine. Two can play at that game. Let's assume that this guy's religion is being persecuted by two non-Kristians who are having a gay wedding. Using that logic, it can be demanded in return that all Kristians stop wearing clothes and stop reproducing because doing so likewise persecutes my faith.

If only the government didn't stick its nose into marriage either way, then everyone would be free to recognize or not recognize whatever marriages they want.

Expelled Gets Expunged

The Blue Collar Scientist blog has an excellent post that collects recent movie critic reviews of the creationist propaganda piece, "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed":

I just did a quick google search on reviews of Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, and have come up with the following gems for your entertainment. And I have to say, my respect for movie reviews has gone up a lot in this process - not that I disrespected them before, but I did not have a lot of (ahem) faith that movie reviewers would be able to engage with the scientific issues as well as they have. In my searchings, I didn’t find any positive reviews that weren’t associated with religious or right-wing political publications - and then only two of those.

His collection of reviews is rather comprehensive, so go check it out. I'll quote just a few here:

The Star Tribune gives it one-half out of four stars:

According to “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed,” the source of all evil in the modern world is Darwinism, a philosophy that, the film posits, is responsible for everything from atheism to abortion, euthanasia to the Holocaust.

The New York Times leads with:

One of the sleaziest documentaries to arrive in a very long time, “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed” is a conspiracy-theory rant masquerading as investigative inquiry.

Mixing physical apples and metaphysical oranges at every turn “Expelled” is an unprincipled propaganda piece that insults believers and nonbelievers alike. In its fudging, eliding and refusal to define terms, the movie proves that the only expulsion here is of reason itself.

From Time:

It’s in the film’s final third that it runs entirely off the rails as Stein argues that there is a clear line from Darwinism to euthanasia, abortion, eugenics and–wait for it–Nazism. Theories of natural selection, it’s claimed, were a necessary if not sufficient condition for Hitler’s killing machine to get started. The truth, of course, is that the only necessary and sufficient condition for human beings to murder one another is the simple fact of being human. We’ve always been a lustily fratricidal species, one that needed no Charles Darwin to goad us into millenniums of self-slaughter.

From the Colorado Springs Independent:

Nazis? It’s all about Nazis?

In a parallel universe even crazier than our own, Ben Stein, former Nixon speechwriter turned ironic symbol of the anti-hip, may be making a documentary about how the Nazis used the “controversial” theory of gravity to make bombs fall to earth — so, of course, the theory of gravity must be wrong. But we are here, and in this universe Ben Stein is actually telling us that because the Nazis thought it would be a good idea to breed people like animals, the theory of evolution must be wrong.

It’s nuttiness right from the opening moments of Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. Images of Nazi atrocities and the terrors of life behind the Berlin Wall are smugly deployed in an attempt to editorialize away basic scientific fact.

Expelled isn’t about “intelligent design,” about an alternative scientific theory, or even about academic freedom. It’s about Stein believing he has proven that acceptance of evolution leads to atheism (and also, we’re told, to such horrors as birth control). Hence, evolution cannot be allowed to be true. Even if it is.

Ouch. I was particularly tickled at the Colorado Springs Independent in where they pointed out that the Nazis also used the theory of gravity to drop bombs on people.

Anyway, if you want to find out why the "Hitler=Evolution" link is intellectually bankrupt, then you should definitely read my post, "Even the ADL [Anti Defamation League] Agrees its Bullshit," over at Goosing the Antithesis. It will give you an excellent logical argument to refute the ridiculous creationist claim that Hitler's genocidal campaign was in any way evolutionary, and instead show precisely how Hitler's final solution was thoroughly anti-competitive and anti-evolutionary.

Time to Buy a Nintendo Wii

It looks like an excellent game!

Church: Cruel and Unusual Punishment

A criminal was recently sentenced to church as punishment for his crimes:

With a lengthy and violent criminal record to his name, Pachino Hill is going to church.

Hill, 29, of Davenport was sentenced Wednesday by Scott County Associate Judge Christine Dalton to a counseling program offered by Third Missionary Baptist Church. She also ordered him to attend church there eight consecutive Sundays, to pay a fine and be on probation for one year.

To me this looks like cruel and unusual punishment. Not only that, but I imagine its a bit counterproductive to order a criminal to worship, for eight consecutive Sundays, the self-professed highest-scoring murderer ever: the Christian God.

If I were in this guy's position, I would have requested to attend worship services provided by the Church of Satan, just to expose the silliness of the order, and to piss off judge Dalton of course. Failing that, I would try to attend some atheist church service or even a Universal Life Church service.

But hey, I'm an atheist, which means I'm far less likely to be facing prison time than a theist is anyway.

Ballsy-Mitzvah

This kid is badass.

glumbert - Ballsy Bar Mitzvah Speech

Godless Internets Tubes

There is no God on the Internets Tubes. Even sixty percent of US Internet users says there is no God. Throw a vote in and have your say!