Monday, July 30, 2007

Atheist Weddings For Cheap!

That's right! I, Aaron Kinney, atheist and anarchist, have just become an ordained minister at the Universal Life Church.

Ordination is free, and getting licensed to conduct weddings is only $5. You can even get a doctorate of divinity for only $29.99!

If you are like me, and you don't dig that dogmatic religious stuff, you'll be pleased to know that this church is so open-minded that its almost impossible to have a worldview that conflicts with their church tenets.

Universal Life Church tenets:

To promote freedom of religion
To do that which is right

It's hard to go wrong on those tenets, no?

So, if you are in the need of a secular minister to officiate at your wedding, let me know! I'll beat anyone's price (I'm doing this for fun, not profit), and I will conduct your wedding respectfully and in the exact way that you want it. I am very accommodating to your needs. I am also an exceptional public speaker in style, delivery, and content. Contact me if you are interested, or just want to know more.


Anonymous said...

Will you conduct a wedding from a staunch Calvinistic, Reformed POV?


Anonymous said...

Only if you will marry me :)

Aaron Kinney said...


Yes I would, but in that case I would only do it for profit (but not much profit). Also, I would be a little concerned about my ability to conduct a high quality and accurate Calvinistic Reformed wedding in particular. It would require lots of study and practice on my part.

Aaron Kinney said...


Im flattered! :) But my girlfriend wouldn't be too happy with that idea. And I dont think that I can conduct my own wedding ceremony, can I?

Anonymous said...

Or if you go through the original Universal Life Church, the free ordination automatically allows you to conduct weddings. Local laws apply of course - here in Arkansas I have to give the county clerk a copy of my credentials before the wedding.

Krystalline Apostate said...

Hell, yes. Way to go, Aaron.
Marriage is a human institution, that's been co-opted by the religious for far too long.
Did a post on this recently. We need to take back our rites of passage.
Transition is the crux of life, change the flowing river of it. We're born, we live, we die, and the only spirit we need is our own, not divine, but human.

Aaron Golas said...

Awesome! My fiancee and I are planning to have my best friend (and co-writer on my blog) conduct our wedding. It's so exciting to think that we'll have someone we actually know conduct the ceremony, instead of some judge or minister whom we've never met.

Rose said...

Awesome! My atheist boyfriend has been one for years. When I feel like marrying him, I'll shoot you an e-mail. LOL

Rose said...

I don't think you can conduct your own wedding or even someone who is related to you.

Reason's Whore said...

Hey congratulations. My husband and I have been ordained for years - interestingly, we both did it independently before we met. Just for kicks, you know. But we have done many many weddings since being ordained. I'm also a Spiritual Humanist officiant and working on getting my American Humanist certification. It's really an uplifting experience and we enjoy doing it.

You can perform your own wedding in some states, but not here in CA. I'm not sure what the logic is but we had to bring in someone else to do the ceremony.

Reason's Whore said...

Re: doing it exactly the way you want - we don't do religious ceremonies any longer. We just can't see furthering the religion thing and there are plenty of ministers around.

Aaron Kinney said...

Thaks for the encouragement, Hussy and Slut!

Wow, this new ordination of mine and subsequent blog post has gotten me lots of attention from the ladies!

Why, I got a marriage proposal in these very comments, I got the two hotties, Hussy and Slut, giving me encouragement, and one female coworker already asked me if I would conduct her wedding! She is already engaged, and she asked if I would do an Elvis style service. I said "Thank you very much!" LOL

Anonymous said...

LMAO, way to go Aaron!

And can I just say that the line "I got the two hotties, Hussy and Slut" is one of the funniest things I've read in a while, especially taken out of the context of their screennames?



Aaron Kinney said...

Yea, it did sound kinda kinky didnt it?

Too bad all of us are already committed!! LOLZ

Reason's Whore said...

Hey Aaron, haven't been around for awhile but I just came by and saw your planned Elvis ceremony. What is really funny is that I actually DID an Elvis ceremony at Burning man a few years ago. It was cute and the couple loved it. Of course we did have our 8 foot tall Elvis Head Wedding Chapel and Confessional as a lovely backdrop. Anyhow, if you want me to see if I can dig up the script email me at templewhore at'm sure you can come up with all the same cheesy vows we did about always being your hunk of burning love and never stepping on your blue suede shoes.

Anonymous said...

Where were you like, three years ago when my husband and I wanted to get married! we originally asked a woman who ran a Wiccan shop figuring that she would be sensitive to our views, she told us that she would, and lead us to believe that everything was going according to plan until two weeks before the ceremony when she told us we had to be a "recognized member" of her "church" - a title which required having been attending wiccan ceremonies and DONATING MONEY to her for a year!

Anonymous said...

We're looking for someone to do our wedding. . .can we chat?


tisha said...

Yeah dear, you can get fabulous decoration at Chicago restaurants that you have selected for your wedding ceremony. Sometimes, indoor events are much more fabulous than outdoor events.

tisha said...
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