The Prayer Challenge

Update: The post seems to have been removed. Looks like Satan prevailed, as usual.

Brian Flemming and the Blasphemy Challenge team are worried. Very worried, in fact. This is because some group of Christians have begun an organized prayer front in order to thwart the Blasphemy Challenge movement through divine intervention.

Needless to say, I am also alarmed. I myself took the Blasphemy Challenge not more than a month ago. If these Christians get God to take away my free DVD or somehow change the past so that I never even did the challenge, then all my Evil Atheist Conspiracy plans will be ruined!

Oh prayer, how I despise you!

Fortunately, I came up with a great idea. I decided to infiltrate the prayer team and sabotage their efforts. I posted a comment at their blog, and have reproduced said comment below for your convenience:

Wow, great idea guys! Those Blasphemy Challenge sinners wont know what hit them! Glory!

Okay, I’m going to synchronize my West Coast prayer team to pray simultaneously with your forces. We have youth groups organized from about twelve different California churches, so the numbers are definitely there. But there is one issue of concern that I need to address: during prayer, should one have their finger interlaced or non-interlaced?

Studies have shown that interlaced fingers during prayer are up to 33% more effective on a per-prayer ratio than having non-interlaced fingers. This includes interlacing one's own fingers (in solo prayer) as well as interlacing fingers with another (in a prayer circle). If we are going to prevail over this Blasphemy Challenge then that means that we need every bit of prayer effectiveness possible, for I feel that the forces of Satan are exceptionally strong here.

Quite frankly I'm a bit worried that your prayer team may not perform proper and consistent finger interlacing technique, so please make sure that you advise your prayer battalion accordingly.

In fact, I have decided to conduct a pre-prayer session on Thursday night, where I will pray to God that all of our prayer groups will, through divine providence, simultaneously interlace their fingers during the super-prayer offensive on Friday. I can only pray that God hears my pre-prayer clearly. Actually, I might have to do a pre-pre-prayer session to ensure that He does just that.

In My Prayers,

Aaron Kinney

My sabotage strategy is twofold. First, it is a little known secret that interlaced fingers are actually 33% less effective than the flat palm prayer method (also known as the karate chop prayer style)! This means that I am removing 33% of their prayer power by tricking them into praying with interlaced fingers!

And second, while the prayer team is conducting their offensive, I will simultaneously be praying to none other than Satan Himself! Yes that's right, every single atheist in the world is secretly a Satanist. What, didn't you know?

I will be asking Satan to instead divert the prayer team's energy into framing more ministers at the New Life Church!

If my strategy is successful, then the Blasphemy Challenge will continue unhindered. Keep an eye on it this weekend, and if the Blasphemy Challenge still exists come Saturday, then you know that my invoking of the Prince of Darkness prevailed against these wretched Christians and their feeble Jesus. The showdown has begun!

Hail Satan!