Friday, February 15, 2008

Atheist Sees Big Bang in Piece of Toast

I wonder how much it will sell for on eBay?

"I was just about to spread the butter when I noticed a fairly typical small hole in the bread surrounded by a burnt black ring. however the direction and splatter patterns of the crumbs as well as the changing shades emanating outwards from this black hole were very clearly similar to the chaotic-dynamic non-linear patterns that one would expect following the big bang". "It's the beginning of the world" he added excitedly.

Ever since news of the discovery made national headlines, local hoteliers have been overwhelmed by an influx of atheists from all over the country who have flocked to Huddlesfield to catch a glimpse of the scientific relic. "I have always been an Atheist and to see my life choices validated on a piece of toast is truly astounding" said one guest at the Huddlesfield arms hotel.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A Vain Motherfucker

A retailer in Singapore recently bowed to pressure from the Catholic Cult Church to stop selling 'Jesus' cosmetics:

SINGAPORE - A cosmetics range with cheeky taglines that extolled the virtues of "Looking Good for Jesus" has been pulled from stores in Singapore after some Roman Catholics complained the items were disrespectful, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

Promising to "Redeem your reputation and more," the product line included a "virtuous vanilla"-flavored lip balm and a "Get Tight with Christ" hand and body cream, as well as bags and other items sold by British retailer Topshop and produced by Blue Q, The Straits Times said.

Since when did looking good for Jesus become disrespectful? Don't we always want to look our best in church?

Anyway, some 24-year-old Catholic pipsqueak piped in and said:

"Why would anyone use religious figures to promote vanity products? It's very disrespectful and distasteful,"

But of course! Everyone knows that Jesus/God, who fucked his own mother to father himself, abhors vanity in every form. The last thing Jesus would ever do is exhibit vanity!

We now continue with our regularly scheduled and mandated-by-God worship of Jesus already in progress...

Friday, February 08, 2008

Fuck Celibacy, Not Children

And no, I'm not talking about pregnancy issues here. I'm talking about vows to celibacy. They don't work, even when the person who vows celibacy is a female:

MILWAUKEE -- A Roman Catholic nun who pleaded no contest to sexually abusing two Milwaukee boys years ago will spend a year in jail.

In the late 1960s, St. Patrick's church and school was ruled by Giannini. It's still not clear how many boys she used that power to take advantage of at the school, but two of them -- now in their 50s -- finally had their day in court at her sentencing.

Giannini has admitted to a church panel that she also molested a Chicago boy and at least three other minors.

This is sad on so many levels. It's sad that this woman made the mistake of vowing to repress her biological needs, and it's sad that these young boys were victimized as a result. This woman was not allowed to express her natural urges in a healthy and productive manner. And as I've noted before, repression leads to compulsion, and she ended up losing control and taking out her urges in an unhealthy, coercive manner on young defenseless children.

Fuck celibacy, not children.