Drug Trippin' Jesus Freaks at Coachella

The Sunday Coachella show was amazing. I saw Paul Oakenfold, Madonna, and Massive Attack. But perhaps most importantly, I also saw the headlining act of the festival, Tool.

Tool played an incredible set, including some songs from their new 10,000 Days album that goes on sale tomorrow. I brought a friend with me who up until then wasn't into Tool, but after having seen them perform live, is now a fan. Tool is about to do an extensive tour to promote their new album. If they come to your neck of the woods, which they likely will, you should see their show.

But enough about Tool. I want to talk about a drug trippin' Jesus freak at Coachella. It happens at every large-scale musical event. Some drugged out, barely coherent loony gets keen on Jesus and freaks everybody out.

Once the concert finished, everyone headed towards the exit, and the crowd was fairly closely packed. Right in front of me, some college guy who is on at least two hard drugs, starts blabbing all loudly and semi-coherently to a group of young girls that he doesn't know, who seem a bit scared and uncomfortable from the guy's behavior. The guy seemed pretty harmless, but was definitely very nutty.

After some incoherent rambling, the drug trippin’ Jesus freak proceeded to loudly count off the substances he did that night on his fingers, while stumbling along trying to keep near the girls who just wanted to politely walk away from him as quickly as possible, but couldn't because the crowd was too densely packed.

He loudly and proudly described to the girls all the drugs he (allegedly) took that night, "Five hits of acid, four lines of coke, a gram of heroin, three ecstasy pills, two bottles of Jack..." At which point, because I enjoy messing with people blown off hard drugs, I interrupted him and sang "...and a partridge in a pear tree!" My interjection amused the girls, and confused the druggie. I doubt the guy was on as many drugs as he claimed, because his list was so long, but he had to be on at least a few of the drugs he mentioned, and in big doses, because this guy was flipped.

It was at this point that the druggie decided to bust out the Jesus talk... right in the middle of a crowd of Tool fans no less. For those of you who aren't familiar with Tool, let's just say that they are no friends of Jesus, and neither are their fans. The tripper continued to pester the girls and the crowd in general by yelling, "You know what? Jesus was at Coachella tonight! Jesus was here with us tonight! I saw him!"

I bet Jesus wasn't the only imaginary vision this guy saw that night. I quickly and assertively responded, "Jesus doesn't exist!" But the tripper kept going on about it. Everyone around was looking at him oddly, chuckling, and giving him space as he flailed his arms and stumbled in the dirt, talking about his drug trip and how he could tell that Jesus was there. I guess you have to be experiencing a mindfuck of some kind to be able to tell when Jesus is attending the same rock show as you.

The druggie didn't stay amusing for long. I soon wanted him to shut up as much as the group of girls wanted him to disappear into the sea of people. So I decided to take a more direct approach. I again cut him off and yelled right at him, "Fuck your fake-ass Jesus!"

This time he was looking right at me when I said it. He seemed to have gotten slightly intimidated by my statement, but he still didn't want to shut up. He continued to talk about Jesus, but on a slightly different level. He yelled enthusiastically, "Jesus was in line buying water at Coachella!" I decided to do him one better. I laughingly retorted, "Jesus got arrested for selling Ecstasy at Coachella!"

My little shouting match with the drug tripper had distracted him long enough to allow the group of girls to move farther through the crowd, escaping his obnoxious acid-inspired Jesus hallucination. And now I wanted to do the same. Before the druggie could reply to my latest insult, I told him to get lost, and that he probably left his favorite messiah at the same place he left his favorite hallucinogens. Finally, I managed to slip ahead enough in the crowd to leave him behind for him to allege Jesus sightings somewhere else.

I wonder if that guy is a full time Jesus lover, or if he only gets that way when he's on hard-core drugs? Either way, I don't think he gets that keen on Jesus when he is sober. Like I said, it takes some kind of mindfuck to really feel your given messiah present. Isn't it funny how mental short-circuits and chemical toxins help a person detect what previously seemed to not exist?